Sales wants us to create a brand-new feature just for one client, and they need it in two weeks. Engineering wants to rip out the infrastructure of a system so they can replace it with something more maintainable. Execs want a feature factory which churns out new things so they can show the market that we are an innovative thinker. Customer support and operations want better backend tools to reduce the amount of time tasks take. And everyone wants these things now, Now, NOW!
I hear a lot of product managers unhappy about how often they have to say "no" to people. I get it. I really do. Nobody likes being the bad guy, and nobody likes doing it over and over and over again. But I'm going to be very blunt here: if you can't stand saying no to people, product management is not the career for you.
And even if saying "no" doesn't personally bother you, the effect of it can cause serious consequences. The person receiving the "no" may feel shut out of the conversation. They may feel like the PM isn't doing their job and is out of touch with business needs. This can lead to complaints about you, and a perception that you can't be trusted. And even if the person doesn't complain, they may quietly be seething with resentment and be hard to work with. They may even start actively throwing up roadblocks and making your job harder.
So, that was the grim news, but there IS better news. If you make an art form of saying no, you can actually build trust and rapport with your stakeholders and clients instead of eroding it. Here are some techniques I like to use to make all those "no's" go down a little easier.
First and foremost, always be empathetic
When people are expressing frustration to you, be an active listener. Everyone hates being ignored. Tell them you understand that not doing something right now is frustrating, and mirror back to them the reasons they are unhappy with this decision so they feel heard. Be genuine and sincere, and always honest. Always assume that whatever the issue is, it is a real problem for the other person and they want help. Never be flippant or dismissive, even if you are secretly irritated.
Focus on what are you are saying "yes" to instead
Some PMs have a tendency to just say "That's not on the roadmap right now" without adding any further context. A better approach is to make sure that you overcommunicate the roadmap. Instead of dwelling on what you aren't doing, focus on what you are doing and WHY. Discuss the outcomes of the roadmap - what problems it is focused on solving and why those are the most critical problems to be solved. Keep conversations centered around what they are getting instead of what they aren't getting.
Warn people in advance
If someone is expecting you to put an idea on the roadmap and then it's not there, they are more likely to react poorly if they are caught off-guard and in front of other people. They might be embarrassed if they told someone else it would be there, or they might get angry / defensive because they feel like it's a personal attack.
If you know that someone is going to be unhappy about the priorities, meet with them privately in advance to discuss it. Listen earnestly to their feedback and why this is a problem for them. Even if you still don't want to change the priorities, most people will appreciate you giving them some extra time to process and addressing their concerns directly.
Is there another way to solve this need in the short term?
While you might not be prepared to solve a problem by building something new or fixing something annoying in the product, that doesn't mean it's the only option. Are there workarounds already in the product that can be used for this case? For a very high-priority issue or a high-priority client, maybe it's worth it to use the Wizard of Oz technique (note: this should only be a short-term solution because manual solutions always error or fail eventually). Take some time to work with them, which lets them get short-term help and gives you the ability to move the request further out into the future.
If all else fails, say "yes, but..."
Sometimes there are people that you can't say "no" to for some reason or another. Maybe it's the CEO who has a pet project. Maybe it's your boss who has different priorities. Maybe it's a sales person with a client that is so important that revenue or relationships will be harmed if you refuse. Whatever the case, when you can't say "no," you have to say "yes." Obviously. But always make it really clear what is being sacrificed for that yes. For example, "We can do that, but we will have to push {Project X} back to next year in order to have the people to work on it. Is that the best course of action?" Or, "We can do that but we will have to hire a new team to work on it because we don't have the necessary skills right now. Will you approve that cost? And do you understand the time it will take to onboard that team and do the project?"
It's time to stop fearing the "no"! Focus on what you can do, be kind, and remind yourself that Steve Jobs once famously said, "People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things."
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